Chains
by lilaclily00
Summary: Why would Al still trust him now, after all he'd done? One-word-prompt.


**Huh? What? I actually wrote angst? Woah.**

 **ice-shredder gave me a long list of one-word-prompts for me to pick from. ;-; So stressful!**

 **ice-shredder also contributed a few sentences around the bottom half of this. :3 Thanks for helping me out!**

 **(If you're looking for my usual silly one-shots, look for "Rush"- that should be right above this one.)**

 **Sorry if all the italicizing is annoying. Just found a theme and rolled with it. XD I just love pressing Ctrl and I at the same time!**

 **I actually don't have a second AN underneath cuz it'd ruin the mood. I'm already ruining it. (Oops.) Okay- get in the mood. Think death. Think kicked puppies. Think Al without kittens.**

 **On with the story.**

* * *

 _Edward was in chains._

No, not literal ones- though he knew what they felt like, too.

These were metaphorical chains he placed because of his pride, determination, desperation, obsession, brotherly love... and guilt.

He was willing to lay all the cards out, put _everything_ on the line, for an _impossible_ task... an impossible promise.

 _When you make a mistake that deals with someone else's life... You can't undo it._

But he still was trying _so_ hard to fix it and _lying_ to himself that the Stone really _did_ exist and he just had to find another lead and don't worry Al it's gonna be _somewhere_.

Even if by some miracle he _could_ get his little brother back to normal, the memories would haunt both of them. They had haunted _him_ for years already. They wouldn't just magically go away. The truth would always loom over them.

If he hadn't been so _selfish_ and _prideful_ and so _desperate_ to see her face again, his brother would still be able to feel. Looking at the suit of armor that replaced an innocent boy and his own cold metal limbs _and_ his State Alchemist watch wouldn't remind him of how _stupid_ he was.

So, in a way, he was chained. He chained himself down to the military, turned himself into a dog and handed the leash to a man who _jerked_ him around the country just to _tick him off_ because he was just making their quest take _that_ much longer.

He made the rash decision to say, _"I'm going to get you back, Al, if it's the last thing I do."_ He couldn't regret that chain, no way, even if it kept him from thinking about _anything_ else but the next place to look and that he _had_ to keep going. He was only worried that the few times his mind wandered, he wondered of what could've and should've been...

The chain on his watch kept him attached to his past, one he both wanted to let of and also hold onto for _dear life_ so it could constantly add fuel to his fire.

It was one of the only things Alphonse did not know about. No matter how close they were, nearly attached at the arm, he couldn't tell him he scratched a date into his watch. He didn't need to tell.

They knew enough about each other already. No matter how unpredictable he could try to be, Al could probably determine how he would end any of his sentences.

He knew that his little brother wanted to take some of the load off his shoulders, because he insisted he was _equally responsible_. Did Alphonse _not realize_ he was just _following along_ with his older brother, his _stupidly_ _brash_ older brother, because he was supposed to _trust him?_

Why would he still trust him now, after all he'd done?

No wonder Ed put chains on himself. If he was imprisoned, he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else.

In theory.

 _But what looks foolproof on paper doesn't always work in reality._

The most devastating example was clearly human alchemy, which- Ed noted with no small amount of bitter irony- was a deadly, tragic obsession that constantly whispered false hopes and good feelings through all the ominous, sour air. He and Al had been chained to it long before he attempted the impossible. They never stood a chance.

He now questioned _everything_ \- constantly scrutinizing, always poking holes into strains of convoluted logic. He did _not_ want to be caught off guard again. Did _not_ want to disappoint again. Did _not_ want to hurt someone again.

He had killed the sweetest woman in the world a _second time_ after she'd already suffered enough.

But, no matter how much he struggled to not be a _menace_ to the world, it didn't work.

People were still hurt just by _knowing_ him. Why? The thing he's searching for is _dangerous_. The way he's doing it is _dangerous_. His _very_ _existence_ is dangerous. He shouldn't have even _survived_ trying to bring her back. Alphonse wasn't supposed to, either.

Ed racked his brain for an explanation. Were they _cursed?_ He wouldn't have believed such a thing to be possible if it wasn't _him_ that caused so much pain. Too many good people were _dying_ because of his vexing desperation.

Too many tears shed because of two boys who were _this_ close to giving their last breath more than once.

Fitting for people who tried to reverse death.

That meant more than ever he _needed_ to help Al. Even if he was a horrible older brother... They're all they've got left.

Everything he did was for his brother, not himself.

He couldn't be _selfish_ again. No, he was the least important thing here.

 _Few important things are kept in chains._

Edward was in chains.


End file.
